A WOMAN has spent two hours imagining the rise and inevitable end in heartbreak of her relationship with a man who has not yet swiped back.
Charlotte Phelps swiped prospective match Ryan Whittaker earlier today because her friends encouraged her to, and believes they must share the blame for the disaster that their relationship will become.
She said: “His first picture is him being lifted up by a big group of mates. Popular’s a good thing, but where will I rank in that group? Am I going to be on my own every Friday for boys’ night? Will they sabotage our relationship to keep ‘fun Ryan’?
“Then take the distance. One kilometre away. That’s convenient. Too convenient. The foundation of our relationship would be settling for what’s easy. We’d never be tested, to prove we truly wanted one another, and that will prove fatal.
“Obviously he’ll fall for me, because I’ve similar hair to that girl who’s probably his ex that he’s cropped out of his second picture. But we can’t pretend that his bio, ‘not looking for serious… or am I?’ didn’t exist.
“Resentment would build. When he gets down on one knee, he’ll only be thinking about what could have been. The travelling he could have done. Which of course he couldn’t because we’ll have a £2,364 monthly mortgage payment for our five-bed townhouse.
“So that’s why when he swiped I ignored it. For the sake of the happiness of our unborn children. Also his skinny jeans really gave me the ick.”
