ADOLESCENT boys are incredulous at their good fortune in being able to date teenage girls, who outrank them in every possible way.
Gawky, oil-skinned teenage boys with zero social graces who cannot even keep their voices at a single pitch are going out with girls the same age who have dewy complexions, glossy locks, emotional maturity and sophisticated, informed conversation.
Oliver O’Connor, aged 17, said: “It’s a closed shop and we’re keeping it that way. It’s no longer socially acceptable for them to date lads in their 20s with cars.
“They’re stuck with us, our halting chat about our favourite Twitch streamers and the odour of our Lynx Dark Temptation shower gel. We’ll never have it so good again.
“I’ve got a date with Sophie tonight. She’s gorgeous and cultured; I’m turning up with my hoodie over my baseball cap and asking her if she wants to come down the skate park and see me attempt a single trick over 200 times. She literally has no choice.
“While she talks about the essay she’s writing about Sylvia Plath and whether she’ll get into Cambridge, I’ll stare hungrily down her top then attempt to seduce her with my farting armpit. And I’ll probably still get a snog.”
O’Connor’s date Sophie Rodriguez said: “The mood swings and tantrums associated with teenage girls aren’t all hormones. Half of it’s teenage boys.”
