Married couple on date night not sure if they're supposed to kiss

A MARRIED couple who decided to spice things up with a ‘date night’ are unsure whether or not they should kiss.

Tom and Emma Logan have planned the date for two weeks, but neither of them can remember how it is supposed to pan out.

Emma Logan said: “I’m definitely not going to sleep with him on a first date night, but should we kiss? I can’t even remember if he has any ‘moves’.

“I’ll just wait until he walks me home, and if he doesn’t kiss me on the doorstep then I suppose we can kiss after we tuck the kids in and send the babysitter home.”

Tom Logan added: “In this ‘MeToo’ era I don’t want to do anything that might be considered inappropriate, but I also don’t want her to think that I’m not interested.

“I’ll wait for a signal, maybe some eye contact or a touch of the arm. Or I’ll just go home play Red Dead Redemption until 2am.”

Swiss roll and eight other hot new cultural trends for 2020

Style-based amputations
The increasingly tired beard/tattoo look becomes ‘neo-pirate’ with the addition of wooden legs and designer hand hooks.

Londoners living on public transport
Tenants sleep sitting up under blankets as the bus drives around until 7am, when it stops at McDonald’s for breakfast and urination.

Sex doll industry to produce flirty, latex colleagues for lonely home workers
People who work alone will buy realistic rubbery colleagues including ‘Team Leader’ and ‘Moderately Attractive Accounts Person’ with optional vibrating genitals.

Word of the Year to be indistinct grunt of thwarted sexual desire
“Frn“nnggghh”

All NHS staff to wear ‘creepy baby’ masks
The government launches a £5bn campaign to mess with everyone’s heads.

Food trend:  Pop-up cafes that only sell chocolate swiss roll

Music trend: Pitched-down, drugged-out remixes of songs from The Greatest Showman

Fashion trend: Leather elbow patches with question marks on them

Fetishised body part: Fourth smallest toe