Man trapped for three days waiting for wife to finish her story

A MAN was trapped in his house for three days while his wife told him about a thing that happened to her at work, it has emerged.

Tom Logan was forced to listen to something to do with a tuna sandwich and Becky from HR when he returned home one evening, later discovering it would turn into a three-day epic.

He said: “Fuck, that was boring, but I guess I should be grateful. She once took an entire week to tell me about a dream she had about a goldfish.

“I have no idea what the point of her story was, but I do know what Becky from HR had for lunch, that there’s some sort of friction between her and Lucy, and what colour her shoes are.

“I also know the shop that sells the tuna sandwiches is owned by a lovely old guy called William and does pastries. I just don’t think it merited taking three days to tell me.”

Wife Sarah Logan said: “I hope Tom’s in when I get home because a really funny thing happened with Gavin and the photocopier.”

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Five classic Britpop hits to weep over during the school run

THERE’S nothing like a bit of Britpop to remind you you’re old now! Here’s an awesome playlist to sob to as you drive the kids to school.

Cigarettes and Alcohol, Oasis, 1994

Guaranteed to leave you totally miserable as you remember the days when you were young, hedonistic and edgy – in your own mind anyway – and a hangover didn’t make you want to curl up in a hole in the ground for two days.

Inbetweener, Sleeper, 1995

Bittersweet tune about young love and unfulfilled dreams, which is the last fucking thing you need when you’re 44 and working for an insurance company. Also a reminder of your undying love for Louise Wener, so after you’ve dropped the kids off you may want to park the car and have a little cry.

Girls and Boys, Blur, 1994

Snarky song about pissed Brits in Magaluf with nothing to particularly emotionally trigger you. However it will remind you of when you gormlessly copied Damon Albarn’s retro tracksuit tops and floppy fringe and looked like a considerable bellend, causing embarrassment and possibly nausea.

Alright, Supergrass, 1995

Supergrass’s big hit was a celebration of youth that actually says ‘We are young’ repeatedly. It also mentions shagging around, having nice teeth and carefree smoking. It’s almost as if the sideburned bastards deliberately intended to bring you down 24 years later.

Common People, Pulp, 1995

Scathing take on art school poseurs, but also about university romances. Try not to be so overwhelmed by emotional memories of lost loves and fumbling sex that you accidentally run over one of your kids’ teachers.

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