THEIR bedroom was big enough for a settee. Yours was barely big enough for a bed. For that reason, and these, they will never be forgiven:
Bedroom size
All three-bedroom houses have two decent rooms and one tiny one, but why was the tiny one yours? For nine years, even when your sister moved out? And she had a telly, and her own Mickey Mouse phone. Even now the bile rises at the very thought.
Privileges
You got grounded for a month for smoking weed and were ordered to dump your boyfriend for snogging him on the front step. Your younger brother’s girlfriend was allowed to stay in his room when they both staggered home tripping on MDMA. It’s the injustice that hurts.
Being a moody twat
The whole household spent five years tiptoeing in the shadow of your sister’s black moods, fearful of setting off another month-long strop. You were forced to have an untroubled adolescence by default. And she’s still the same arsehole now.
Being a swot
‘Your sister always does her homework on time’, ‘Your sister never gets detentions’, ‘Your sister got six A-stars in her GCSEs’. Your sister was ugly and unpopular with no social life, and that got used as a stick to beat you with? How’s that fair?
Breaking your bike
You were only little, so you giggled along with your brother and his mates while they did wheelies and jumps on your bike, including a spectacular one off the garage roof. Then they all went off laughing to the park, leaving you with a f**ked bike. Bastard.
Cannibalising your Lego
A piece at a time, so slowly you didn’t notice, all the bits of your spaceship were nicked to replace the bits he’d lost. To this day he swears blind it never happened but it did, and you will have your revenge.
Existing
Ultimately life was good, until she came along and it got much, much f**king worse. You had to share your toys, Dad was too tired to be fun, you couldn’t even play Sonic without giving her a turn. You’ve resented the bitch ever since. She should never have been born.
