AN elderly couple have asked their granddaughter whether she and her husband are f**king bareback in order to produce great-grandchildren.
Though they do not wish to pry, Margaret and Bob Gerving felt it was important to ask out loud whether Lauren Hewitt is foregoing contraception and letting their new grandson-in-law come inside her.
Margaret said: “There’s nothing inappropriate about asking if we can expect the pitter-patter of tiny feet any time soon, and whether they’re taking the necessary steps to make that happen.
“Lauren is getting on, after all. They say fertility plummets after 35 and she’s 29 already. It’s best if he starts going in unsheathed now so that they have plenty of time to have as many as they want.
“I told her so while we were having tea. That and to stay lying down until her husband’s ejaculate has done its work.”
However Lauren said: “Hearing my grandad use the terms ‘rubber johnny’ and ‘emissions’ honestly made me want to vomit, but I couldn’t go and be sick in case they interpreted it as morning sickness.
“It’s definitely had the opposite of the desired effect, because I haven’t been able to have sex since. I think we might skip children altogether and just get loads of cats.”
