GETTING a little too much action from Tinder/Bumble/Hinge? Add these to provide sweet relief from non-stop dating:
You with your ex
Seeing a picture of your potential fling in the arms of another can be perplexing. A friend, they’ll enquire? Sister? Cousin? Leave them in no doubt – this is your ex, you miss them terribly and no, no-one could never live up to them.
Quote a horror film
‘Here’s Johnny!’ works especially well if your name isn’t Johnny, but you could also go down the Saw route if you’re feeling fun. ‘Do you want to play a game? Where I make myself as off-putting and creepy as possible?’
Random landscape photo
You’ve got a limited number of slots for photos on these things, so why not waste one with a photo of the Lake District? It also implies you don’t have pictures of yourself because you have no friends, which is a reassuring red flag.
List of people you’ve slept with
Why stop at your body count where you could explain in detail who you’ve slept with, when and how good it was? Provides much-needed context and the tantalising prospect of being added at the bottom of the list.
Three lies, no truths
If someone really wants to get to know you they’ll ask. Why not get creative with your lies in the meantime? Keep them guessing with a triad of lies including ‘Drug addiction isn’t for me’, ‘I have a good income and own my own home’ and ‘I’ve never had sex dreams about Margaret Thatcher’.
