subscribe
/ Sign Out

Fathers looking forward to mothers finally getting off their arses this Sunday

THE nation’s fathers are looking forward to mothers stepping up and doing something for a change this Father’s Day.

After a year of relentless caring and working, as well as the constant pressure to be a man who ‘has it all’, fathers are eagerly anticipating letting their partners take over for a day.

Martin Bishop said: “I don’t like to moan about my wife and how little she does to help unless I explicitly ask her to, but she really does take the piss sometimes.

“By the time she’s put the kids to bed, made supper for us both and sat down to finish off some work on her laptop, I’m so tired I can’t even find the energy to stop myself farting when she’s in the room. I need this day to reset.

“I’m expecting to be waited on hand and foot, even though I know she’ll make snide comments about it being ‘exactly the same as the other 364 days of the year’.

“I really deserve one Sunday where I can be even more of a lazy f**ker than usual.”

'If you haven't experienced it, it may still exist', experts warn

EXPERTS have confirmed that it is possible that even if an issue has not directly impacted your life, it may still be real.

A new study has uncovered a range of feelings, experiences and behaviours that are independently verifiable, even if every single person on the planet has not experienced them.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “We are in the early stages of testing this radical new theory, but evidence is emerging that different perspectives are not the result of one side being massive fibbers or stupid bellends.

“It’s about making the cognitive leap from ‘This is a foreign concept to me and therefore bullshit’ to ‘This is a real concept for many people even though I can’t get my noggin round it’.

“This could have profound implications for how we live, or we could each decide to stick with what we know and call anyone who says they have experienced something we do not understand a lying bastard.

“People are lazy f**kers, so it’ll probably be the latter.”

Next story ›