subscribe
/ Sign Out

Couple perfectly matched unless they're driving, cooking, eating or choosing what to watch

A COUPLE have a fantastic relationship in all the moments when they are not arguing about where to go, what to eat, or how to do literally anything. 

Sophie Rodriguez and Joshua Hudson have been together for three years and enjoy a happy, harmonious romance apart from the constant screaming rows.

Rodriguez said: “I feel like Josh and I are destined to be together, except when he wants to talk to me or I need to talk to him, or we need to go anywhere or plan anything.

“We have such a great time. Like that time we went to the Fat Duck but he couldn’t f**king find it then we had a row about me being vegan that day then I was livid about how much it cost and we didn’t speak all the way home.

“We have the same values and have a shared vision of our future together, it’s just every single detail of everyday life interaction that’s problematic.”

Joshua agreed: “It’s the quiet moments together that make a relationship, like waiting for traffic to pass so Sophie can turn right even though she’s missed like 16 f**king gaps.

“We’re building our future on a strong foundation of mutual bafflement and constant irritation. I look forward to disagreeing about every aspect of raising a child together one day.”

Boyfriend and cat getting on little too well for girlfriend's liking

A CAT has formed a suspiciously strong bond with its owner’s boyfriend, she has confirmed. 

Four-year-old tabby Mittens has been living with owner Lucy Parry since she was six months old and has only known Ryan Whittaker for two weeks but has taken to him with suspicious enthusiasm, sparking jealousy, concern and resentment.

Parry said: “We were watching telly the other night and she jumped up to sit on him. Not next to him. On him. Right in front of me.

“She purrs. She snuggles in. Where’s the hostility? Where’s the gratitude? I’ve been emptying that litter tray since we thought Theresa May was competent.

“He’s always stroking her like a bloody Bond villain. Next time he’s round, he can get her stinking food out of the pouches and clean up her shit. Since apparently he’s her favourite.”

Whittaker said: “I don’t like cats one bit. Which cats really, really respond to.

“I’m hoping if I hype up our connection then she’ll take ‘Mittens’ to a shelter. You know what? I think maybe Mittens wants that, too.”

Next story ›