Media

THE Daily Mail is giving every reader a free ‘giant map of Britain’ to help them hunt down local traitors.

A PICTURE involving a basket has received a coveted award for uninspired kitten photography.

A NICE older couple inexplicably read the Daily Mail, it has emerged.

WEBSITES and blogs about baby bullshit are weirdly obsessed with the word ‘mama’, it has been claimed.

SOME knobheads have strongly objected to some bullshit, it has emerged.

A GUARDIAN reader is torn between giving £5 a month to send clothes to Syrian children or a similar amount to ensure she can continue to read the thoughts of Deborah Orr.

BBC presenters commentating on Olympic events are making it all up, it has been confirmed.

THE Guardian website has a larger readership of argumentative right-wing arseholes than middle-class bedwetters, it has emerged.

A LOCAL cafe has a copy of today’s Guardian that will remain forever untouched by human hands.

BRITAIN is almost at the stage where it could imagine feeling pity instead of visceral loathing for Kelvin McKenzie.