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Man seeks court order letting everyone know he’s had a threesome

A 29-YEAR-OLD British man has filed for an injunction requiring the media to report that he has previously enjoyed an extremely successful threesome. 

Network engineer Nathan Muir has described the failure to report his three-way sexual encounter as “sheer irresponsibility” on the part of Britain’s newspapers.

He said: “This took place in 2012, and the absolute silence from our foreign-owned press in the years since speaks volumes about their true agenda.

“Newspapers are bound to report what is in the public interest, and I am confident the public would be very interested indeed in what took place between myself, Lucy and Alina on that evening.

“That they failed to do so has done immense damage to my reputation which can only be remedied by front page apologies, with photographs and at least four interior pages giving full details.”

He added: “I’m most disappointed in the BBC. They’re supposed to be impartial.”

Adults encouraged to embrace their inner grown-up

ADULTS have been urged to unlock their full potential by finding their ‘inner grown up’.

Psychologist Dr Tom Booker believes adults have lost sight of how to access their adult selves and has suggested a range of strategies to help people reconnect with their ‘repressed grown up person’.

Dr Booker said: “Instead of reading Harry Potter books, which are for children, read a book written about actual grown ups that doesn’t involve witches, zombies or goblins.

“Or you might consider watching a BBC4 documentary, or even tuning in to Radio 4, rather than watching Doctor Who, which, once again, is for children.

“Another way to encourage your inner grown-up is to read a long article in one of the broadsheets without whimpering ‘tl;dr’ and turning to a story about Kim Kardashian’s bum.”

Dr Booker also regards restaurants as ‘special venues’ where over-21s can ‘release’ the over-21 year-old person within by eating something other than chips or pizza.

He added: “And when asked if you want a dessert, don’t get all excited and order ice cream. You’re not 12 and it’s not your birthday.”

Dr Booker said the next level involves ‘taking responsibility for something’, but that was for advanced students only.

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