Lifestyle

WANT to buy your mum a simple yet thoughtful card? Bad luck. Your options range from pastel monstrosities with flowers to woefully inappropriate humour.

DID you spend an evening a week wearing a ridiculous uniform and trying to earn pointless badges? Here’s how being a girl or boy scout didn’t make you the better person it was meant to.

THE world’s super-rich have been asked what’s so f**king amazing about yachts that they all feel obliged to lash out half a billion on them.

WORDLE has swept social media, with daily posts of some green and yellow square bollocks. You can’t do it and fail in these ways too.

PARENTS always have the same boring, easily fixed complaints about their kids. A non-parent explains how to avoid the obvious pitfalls.

A CYCLIST travelling along country lanes has achieved a new personal best by creating an incredible 64-car queue behind him.

HAVING a massive dump in the morning is a wonderful experience, but there are situations where getting caught short is your worst nightmare. Avoid these at all costs.

YOUNG people are getting ready for this summer’s festivals, as are vacuous wankers with two years of pent-up twattery to unleash.

THE first signs of spring are here and with them, some twat is already parading around in shades.

WE may come across as aloof pricks, but we care about our owners. That’s why we always knock it out of the park with gifts.