Lifestyle

WHAT better time to take up playing the bass than now, when your neighbours need the distraction of you failing to learn Fleetwood Mac’s The Chain? 

NOW that the novelty has worn off not going to work and you've watched everything on Netflix, what can you do to create some measly highs in  life under lockdown? Here are some ideas.

SALUTATIONS. I have recently been introduced to TikTok by one of my many children and found myself having a raucously good time. Thus, I present some tips on how to become a most splendid meme-lord.

YOU pussies are whining about lockdown, but I’ve survived harsher conditions by drinking my own piss and staying in a hotel. Here’s my guide to staying alive by foraging from bins.

PENSIONERS are the real comeback kids of coronavirus, with their viral smashes showing they’re not just a load of moaning old biscuit-munchers. But how will we keep old people chic after the crisis?

HOMEWORKERS have admitted they cannot imagine wearing anything other than pyjamas or dressing gowns ever again.

DO you think the coronavirus suddenly doesn’t exist whenever you fancy a trip to B&Q? Here are some great ways to ignore lockdown when it suits you.

A WOMAN who attempted to cut her own fringe has told Britain there can be no relaxing of lockdown until 2021.

LAST week everyone was pretending to write a novel. This week they’re all pretending to be online learning. What should you claim to be enrolling on?

ARE your weeks blurring into one long snack-laden, news-addled pyjama fest, broken only by a few half-arsed attempts at work? Here’s how to change that.