Lifestyle

Arsehole who was 'up and about before 6am' feels need to tell everyone about it

A MAN who got up slightly earlier than most people wrongly believes everyone is interested in this fact.

Couple mistakenly enlarge terrifying photo of newborn onto giant canvas

THE sleep-deprived parents of a newborn baby have enlarged a photo of her onto a three-foot canvas where she looks like a mutant freak.

Family alarmed after Dad cries at something other than sport

A FAMILY are worried about the man of the house after he shed tears at a non-sporting event for the first time in their whole lives.

Six everyday unexplained complete f**king mysteries

IS everyday life full of baffling questions you’re losing sleep over? Here are some mysteries that confuse the nation every single day.

My morning routine, by a woman who is lying

HOW you start the day has a huge impact on your life, and I’m here to tell you, in barely credible terms, how to begin yours in the best, most bullshit way.

'The sponge' and five other household objects too manky to think about

WE live alongside a whole host of everyday objects too repellent to ever allow ourselves to dwell on. These filthy six are in your home...

Inside the mind of a man still wearing shorts in November

AS winter sets in, there are always one or two men around wearing shorts. I am one of them and I'm here to tell you why, in an effort to stop you presuming I'm just a bellend.

Britain reaches stage where it's just wearing a f**king duvet

THE UK is only days into a second lockdown and has already reached the point where it is just walking around wearing a f**king duvet.

What kind of winter hat wanker are you?

ARE you a fun-loving bobble-hat person or do you prefer to look like someone who murders deer in the woods? Find out what your winter hat says about you.

Man only became a father so he could play with Lego

A FATHER-OF-TWO has admitted he only had children so he could play with Lego as an adult.