WOMEN are fully aware there are sprigs of mistletoe strategically placed over doorways and are deliberately disregarding them, it has emerged.
The festive sprigs that pressure women into awkward kisses from desperate men have not escaped the attention of Britain’s female population, but are being treated with the blunt disdain they deserve.
Nikki Hollis of Swansea said: “It’s hard to miss, a big bit of branch with a bow tied to it at head height. I make sure to find time to tut at it.
“You really think I’ve got time for a coercive snog when I’m dashing around buying presents, wrapping presents, stocking a garage and a chest freezer, and washing bedding for the arrival of six in-laws? Get f**ked. Rip it down and shove it up your arse.”
Mary Fisher of York agreed: “If I wanted to kiss a man, I would. It’s easy. All you do is give them some eye contact and you’re in there. I don’t need a poisonous twig as a wingman.
“Where do you even get mistletoe these days? Sex shops? Filed under ‘Specialist Seasonal 1970s Sitcom Sexual Harassment Interest’? Can we not let this particular tradition die out?”
She added: “Although if I bump into my hot sister-in-law under the mistletoe, it would be rude not to obey the time-honoured rules.”
