SIGNALLING to other motorists is an integral aspect of driving, and some intentions can only be expressed through hand gestures. Here’s a guide to the important ones.
V-sign
The default British hand gesture, using the index and middle fingers to form a ‘V’. Delivered with an abrasive ‘F**k you!’, it is the perfect response to idiotic manoeuvres, thieving bastards who steal the last parking space, or abuse for your own shitty driving.
Middle finger
Hollywood’s number one abusive gesture, where the middle finger is raised on its own, or comically ‘wound up’ by the other hand. Do not accompany with comments, such as: ‘Swivel!’, ‘Sit on it!’, or ‘Up yours, buddy!’. It lessens the gesture’s intended dramatic effect and is simply gilding the lily
Gobshite
When verbal abuse arises, suggest the offended driver may be a ‘gobshite’. Slowly shake your head and tap your fingers and thumb together, as if commenting through an invisible sock puppet. This gesture informs the other driver of his faecal oral output. Also mutter ‘Want to make something of it?’ but drive off before your courage is put to the test.
Loser sign
Placing a right-angled thumb and index finger to the forehead indicates that the object of this gesture is simply a loser. Whether it’s in driving, life, or love, is for the receiver of the gesture to determine. Note: take care to use the right hand for direct gesturing, left hand for the rear-view mirror.
Wanker shake
The Sunday roast with all the trimmings of abusive gestures. This simple circling of the thumb and index finger, pivoting back and forth from the wrist, is usually reserved for incompetent male motorists. Think twice before using on catastrophically narcissistic sports car drivers, as this gesture may be taken as a compliment on their large penis.
