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Mother who found vibrator in daughter's room has a little go

A MOTHER who discovered a sex toy in her daughter’s room could not resist turning it on just to see how it worked, she has admitted. 

Carolyn Ryan, aged 41 and a mother-of-two, was tidying her teenage daughter’s bedroom when she discovered the large pink vibrator hidden at the very back of her knicker drawer.

She said: “I wasn’t snooping. I was just seeing what was in there in case there were any tired pairs where the elastic’s gone that needed throwing out.

“You could tell it hadn’t seen the right end of a flannel in a while, so I gave it a quick scrub and a rinse for her, because you’ve got to be careful with your feminine hygiene and we’re prone to cystitis in our family, and that ending up setting it off. 

“And well, I like to keep in touch with what the young people are into, and it’s quite different to mine, so I thought I’d find out for myself what she gets out of it. And I can see what piqued Lucy’s interest.

“It’s a definite upgrade on her electric toothbrush! I said that to her and she overreacted, which is typical. Everything’s the end of the world at that age.”

Lucy Ryan said: “Burn it down. Not the vibrator. Burn the whole house down.”

Nobody told man there was £200 penalty-free shoplifting limit

A MAN who has only just learned you can shoplift as much as you like under £200 without penalty wishes someone had told him earlier. 

Until a minister demanded police investigate shoplifting even if the goods stolen are worth less than £200, Nathan Muir of Hitchin had no idea he could walk out with £199 of shopping worth scot-free.

He said: “Yeah, says here police won’t attend and all you get is a fine through the post. Well that’s the cost of living crisis sorted, quite frankly.

“I’m never buying more than £200, not even in Sainsbury’s. Even a big shop’s not clearing £150. What, do I have to scan it through to show it costs less and then they’ll just wave me out?

“Apparently under the Anti-Social Behaviour, Crime and Policing Act it’s a summary offence, I don’t even have to go to court and the fine’s £70. So as long as you’re nicking more than that you can’t lose.

“Who brought that in? 2014? The Tories. Well, who says they’re not on the side of the common man? Though they could have done better on informing us. There should be signs up in the aisles.

“Right, I’m off down Asda. Anyone want anything?”

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