JOINING organisations can be a fun, sociable thing to do. Unless you choose one of these, which instantly mark you out as a bellend:
The Magic Circle
The Magic Circle is an organisation for people who spent a large proportion of their teenage years locked in their rooms practicing something other than masturbating, and yet are still massive wankers. You never grew out of your tragic hobby and instead felt compelled to join magic’s most exclusive club, but at least you’re all safely together in one place.
Mensa
This is essentially a global club determined to enrol the kind of people who no one wants to be stuck talking to at a house party. Yes, you might be good at maths and have an IQ above the 98th percentile, but it hasn’t rendered you intelligent enough to not be an absolute twat who bores on about it.
Neighbourhood Watch
Basically an easy way to justify spying or perving on your neighbours. Is the young woman across the street freaked out because you’ve been looking at her bedroom windows through binoculars? Tell her you’re simply making sure the street is secure. Don’t trust the postman because he has a foreign accent? Ring the police and have him sacked. You can’t be too careful.
The Masons
There is nothing sadder than a group of male middle-managers gathering two evenings a month in a creepy lodge to wear leather aprons, practice secret handshakes and generally pretend they’re in a Dan Brown novel. However, people don’t tell you that as, for such a silly organisation, you still have a disturbing amount of influence.
The Tories
If you’d like to spend time in the company of people who enjoy talking about how much better the country used to be using the language of a barely disguised racist dog-whistle, then you should ring your nan. She’d appreciate the call, and you don’t have to pay a membership fee.
