ARE your kids a bit too nerdy for your liking? Get them to take up vaping like the cool children. Here are some tips that will have them puffing away in no time.
Tell them all their friends are doing it
Peer group pressure is a wonderful thing. Explain that if all their mates are vaping, that means it’s really cool and they should do it too. Make it clear that if they don’t hop on the bandwagon now, they’ll be regarded as social outcasts for the rest of their lives.
Introduce them to the wide range of child-friendly flavours
These days, vapes are basically just sweets that you inhale – if sweets were loaded with nicotine and other alarming chemicals. As soon as your kids hear about flavours like ‘cotton candy’, ‘berry blast’ and ‘vanilla cupcake’ they won’t be able to stay away.
Let them know you’ll think more highly of them if they vape
Admiration from peers is one thing – but the respect of a parent is priceless. Make sure your kids know you’ll think they’re hot shit if you see them vaping.
Blow some sweet vape rings
Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Blow a couple of sick vape rings right in your kids’ faces. They’ll be so blown away by how awesome you look they’ll hop straight online and order themselves a crate of Elf Bars.
Explain that research into the long-term health implications of vaping is limited and therefore it’s probably fine
Decades of extensive research into smoking tobacco has highlighted the array of devastating effects it can have on people’s health. Fortunately, we haven’t got a f**king clue what vaping does to us – so there’s nothing to worry about.
Tell them vaping will get them laid
Teenagers spend every waking moment thinking about sex. If all else fails, just say that people find vapes incredibly arousing – and that using one will drastically improve their chances of losing their virginity. They’re incredibly lucky to have a parent who’s unembarrassed to talk about sex in such a responsible way.
