IS IT cool to live in the big city but only possible in a tiny flat? Here’s how to adjust to your Lilliputian living quarters.
Buy dolls’ house furniture
Even the smallest studio seems enormous if your chairs are only five inches tall. However your social gatherings for dolls, and especially the endless bloody small talk, may cause some loss of mind.
Imagine no possessions
Set up a storage unit as a walk-in wardrobe, kitchen storage and leisure activity access facility, and put everything you own there. Swing by twice a day to pick up what you need – it’s only a 40-minute bus journey out of your way, and think of the space you’ll have.
Bonsai pets
Invasive cats and boisterous dogs make small flats feel like the world’s shittest petting zoo. Opt for very small pets, such as a stag beetle, ant or computer virus. Be careful when you’re stroking them not to slam your elbow against a wall.
Never spend any time there
Get breakfast out, lunch out, booze out and spend hours in coffee shops with your laptop. So financially crippling you’ll barely be able to afford rent on your tiny flat you’re never in.
Paint a spacious living room on your wall
Turn your pokey living room-kitchen-office into a grand salon with a clever trompe l’oeil painting creating the illusion of a cavernous space. Then run into it again and again like Wile E Coyote.
Move somewhere else
Not as fashionable as city living, but may ultimately be preferable to paying £1,200 a month to effectively live in a prison cell without drugs.
