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Five ways to join in the leg-washing 'debate' even though it's idiotic

MANY people have admitted they don’t wash their legs in the shower, sparking a furious Twitter ‘debate’. Here are some handy comments to help you join in.

‘You should be grateful you have legs to wash #blessed’

Why not remind people how lucky they are to have legs to wash, when there are people out there without legs or showers? Watch the likes come flooding in from earnest idiots.

‘WASH YOUR LEGS YOU DIRTY BASTARDS’

If you are a bit of a dick with time to kill then go Full Troll, preferably in capitals. This will guarantee you endless inane responses, such as, ‘If you need to wash your legs in the shower then YOU are the DIRTY one.’

‘I wash my legs in a small bowl of tepid water once a month to save the planet #greenliving’

Play the green card. Maybe even start a petition. This is a great way to show everyone what a bloody amazing person you are.

‘Everyone is wrong except me’

Get irrationally angry about the fact that not everyone showers in exactly the same way as you and announce you are leaving Twitter. Obviously wait for people to try to persuade you to stay and then don’t leave anyway, in an enormous waste of everyone’s time.

‘This is a totally stupid debate but I’m commenting anyway’

Claim it is a stupid debate and you are not getting involved, then give everyone a pointlessly detailed account of exactly how you wash your legs or not.

 

Your guide to the f**kheads, wankers and creeps who want to be next Tory leader

THEY’RE off! The starting gun has been fired, Theresa May’s long, slow demise is drawing to a close, and an absolute arsehole will succeed her. But which one?

Boris Johnson

There will be voters in the next election who were not yet born when Boris Johnson began his epic run for Conservative prime minister. The blonde buffoon, who is secretly incredibly evil, fucked over the entire country to get back at David Cameron and would happily cause nuclear war to reduce sales of Cameron’s memoir. Odds: 8-1.

Jacob Rees-Mogg

The choice of Tory members who just want to watch the world burn, Rees-Mogg was a laughing stock at Eton. At Eton. Imagine how much of a bellend you would have to be to be a laughing stock at Eton. Hobbies include sticking pins in the feet of six-year-old chimney sweeps. Odds: 40-1.

Michael Gove

The sentient bacterial colony inhabiting the once-living body of Michael Gove cannot understand why it is not already prime minister, since it has the backing of ‘the Murdoch’. It blames humans. They are illogical and weak and must be culled. Odds 5-2.

Amber Rudd

Remember when Jeremy Corbyn got put on the Labour leadership ballot as a polite gesture to the party’s left? That’s what Amber Rudd is to the Tories now. That’s how far right they’ve gone. Odds 100-1.

Daenerys Targaryen

Burning thousands of innocent people to death just to prove you deserve to be in power is Tory to the core. However Daenerys may face opposition from the Tory grassroots, particularly women, because she is a woman. Odds: 9-1.

Nigel Farage

Oh, just give it to him. He’s run your fucking party for the last nine years anyway. Odds: Evens.

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