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Every day is like a romcom, say working mums

WORKING mothers have confirmed that every day of their lives is a quirky and heartwarming journey like in a romantic comedy. 

Mums admit they typically spend their days harrassed but still beautiful, gamely dealing with charming children and rewarding creative jobs while repeatedly bumping into handsome men they had not previously thought of in that way.

Jo Kramer, aged 32, said: “I love my hectic dash through a crowded transport terminus every day! It’s just like a romantic chase sequence from a Richard Curtis film, except I’m running towards a job I don’t like and will be fired from if I’m late again.

“All the funny little obstacles that get put in your way, like a child suddenly needing a parrot costume or breaking a heel off my shoe, are just put there for me to deal with smilingly and with a roll of the eyes.

“By the end I’ve triumphed over my cruel boss by saving the day with an impromptu from-the-heart presentation, raced off to catch my daughter’s school play, and encountered my hunky neighbour again only to kiss him and realise he’s the love of my life.

“Though my husband’s never that keen on that last bit.”

Remainers getting DNA-tested to prove they're not English

SALES of home DNA tests have spiked as Remainers desperately try to prove they are not in any way English. 

As their country spirals into becoming just one big Tory constituency, Remainers with no other options left are hoping to at least find that 20 per cent of their ancestry is untainted by Englishness.

35-year-old Nikki Hollis of Reading said: “My whole immediate family are definitely English, which is just mortifying.

“But I vaguely remember talk of a great aunt who was married to a Greek man, and there was definitely some sort of link to Ireland at some point. So I’ve got to give it a try.

“It’s cost me £199, but I’m desperately chasing any sort of non-white heritage to set me apart from all the barking Brexiters I work with. And, if possible, my dad.

“Ideally I’ll find something exotic but honestly I’d be happy with a bit of Welsh or Scottish at this point, just something to separate me from this damn country.”

Hollis added that she had no problem giving her DNA to a company building a private database and could see no possible nightmarish dystopian outcomes from doing so.

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