BEEN at a party and grabbed the hips of the last person in line to join the joyous conga kicking its way past recently? Of course not. And all these things are also gone:
Embracing a Mafia don
IN the old days, everyone would embrace their local Mafia don with a hug and a kiss on both cheeks before congratulating him on his daughter’s wedding. Not now. A nod of the head from a safe distance will suffice and not be taken as disrespect.
Hot tub orgies
Even though we’re getting to know our neighbours better than ever, inviting them round for a soak in the hot tub followed by sex is strictly off the table. The responsible thing to do is cut down the pampas grass in your front garden to send a message.
Thumb wars
At least these times of trouble have brought peace to innocent thumbs. Let’s hope they enjoy it, because the times of war will probably return before the year is out.
Giving work colleagues unwanted shoulder massages
Already an abhorrent practice, but thanks to the current pandemic there’s at least a hope you might realise it has to stop for yourself without being referred to HR.
Talking about the football transfer market
Every league in the world apart from Belarus is cancelled, as is Euro 2020. And even worse the simple pleasure of speculating whether Jadon Sancho will be joining your club for £160m has been taken away, even though it’s no less pointless than before.
The conga, the hokey-cokey and Oops Upside Your Head
All gone. You can almost hear the distant, remembered echoes of ‘Hey, who fancies doing our regular Monday lunchtime conga?’ before a few murmurs and the reply ‘Yeah, I forgot about social distancing. Sorry.’
