International

Kim Jong-un promises he will only use nukes if he wants to

THE leader of North Korea has sworn to only use nuclear weapons if he is really in the mood.

Mother Teresa sainthood paperwork 'a massive ball ache', says Pope

POPE Francis has filled in the lengthy forms for Mother Teresa's 'miracles' to be approved by Jesus.

Trump admits even he is terrified of Trump presidency

DONALD Trump has revealed he has had nightmares about him becoming president.

Trump convinced owning golf courses makes him popular in Britain

DONALD Trump believes that owning golf courses is something British people find impressive, it has emerged.

Trump claims Islam fucked up his hair

DONALD Trump has accused Islam of ‘f**king up his once beautiful head of hair’.

RAF to look for any unbombed bits of Syria

DAVID Cameron has called on Britain to flatten the last remaining bumpy bits of Syria.

Refugees asked to just hold on while we have this debate

REFUGEES from Syria have been asked to just drive their boats in a circle until Europe decides what to do with them.

Cameron encourages private sector to bomb Syria

THE prime minister has announced financial incentives for any UK business which commits to airstrikes in Syria. 

Syria same

SYRIANS are having a typical Monday, it has been confirmed.

Paris incredibly beautiful, confirm experts

PARIS is just amazing and if you have not been there you should definitely go, it has been confirmed.