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'But he was my black friend' says Cameron

THE prime minister has admitted feeling bereft after criticism by his only black friend, President Obama.

David Cameron, who frequently refers to “my friend Barack, who’s black” in conversation with cabinet members, says he feels he has lost a lot of credibility.

He continued: “The thing about having a black friend is, not only does it mean you’re not racist but it opens your eyes to other cultures. I’ve listened loads to this Kendrick Lamar album he turned me onto.”

Cameron added: “I thought bombing Libya was something we were both into, uniting black and white, but suddenly it was all my idea and he only went along because of peer pressure.

“Where am I going to find a new one? I don’t meet many black people, because of my job.

“Robert Mugabe?”

Cameron later declared the rift had been healed when he received a text from the President reading “sorry lol” with a smiley emoji.

Tide finally begins to turn against avocados

NEW scientific research has threatened to bring a halt to the avocado juggernaut.

Researchers discovered the fruit’s ‘good cholesterol’ may not be as beneficial as previously thought, raising hopes that people might stop going on about avocados all the time.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “When was the last time you looked at a newspaper website without seeing a picture of an avocado? I’ll tell you, it was October 15th, 2012.

“Since then there’s been at least three articles a day about avocados, most of them with the same recipe for smashed avocado on some fancy bit of toast.

“But now we can begin to imagine the possibility of a post-avocado society where people who really like avocados are regarded in much the same way as tobacco companies.”

Jane Thomson, an avocado maniac from Stevenage, said: “Who are these researchers? Where do they live?  Are they physically strong or could they be overpowered and thrown into the back of a van?”

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