International

IRISH residents of mainland Britain have confirmed they are making about 65 per cent of their colourful language up on the spot.

BRITONS have asked their government if it would mind not sending the pound into freefall right before their summer holidays every bloody year.

THE county of Yorkshire should become an independent state, the rest of the UK has urged.

THE United Nations has changed Britain’s status to ‘clown country’, giving us the same international standing as a backfiring toy car driven by a dog in a fireman's helmet.

HEY limeys. Going on vacation? Not looking forward to the gape-mouthed looks from continentals when you admit your nationality? Yeah, I know that feeling.

JEREMY Hunt has told Iran that the big blonde lad over there called them nonces who would not have the b*llocks to officially declare war on Britain.

IS telling someone non-white to go back to their own country, as President Trump did, racist or are you seriously asking that question?

WITH a dwindling navy, the UK will protect its interests abroad with our miserable, complaining attitude, the government has announced.

THE UK’s ambassador to the USA is going to be fired for not lying about how great Donald Trump is, but who will replace him?

AS natural choice to become British ambassador because of my famous impartiality, here's what I would have said about the US.