International

GIBRALTAR is a real place and not a mythical island covered in monkeys and cheap fags, it has emerged.  

PRESIDENT Trump has confirmed that he will avoid criminal charges by simply firing anyone who attempts to arrest him.

FOR a rambling, bigoted shithead, I have done surprisingly well in the midterm elections.

A MAN’s plan to build a big, stupid wall is fucked.

YET another country that is far too distant from Britain to be worth the trip has irritatingly made weed legal. 

PARENTS of two young children are looking forward to clearing up from toddler related mayhem in unspoilt, glamorous kitchens in cities across Europe.

A SHAKEN President Trump has asked aides if he resembles Kanye West after the egomaniac rapper visited the Oval Office.

PRESIDENT Donald Trump is relieved that women still do not have the vote, it has emerged.

A COUNTRY where cannabis and prostitution are legal and chemical weapons are analysed, has refused to have anything to do with Marmite.

GOVERNMENT officials searching for a distant, easily winnable war to be Theresa May’s Falklands have declared New Zealand to be the best prospect yet.