International

NOBODY in the UK wants to be the first kn*bhead to ruin the new year by bringing up f**king Brexit, it has agreed.

PRESIDENT Trump has written an incoherent and angry six-page letter to Father Christmas asking him to end the impeachment process.

IRELAND has confirmed it is beginning work on the Waterford-Caen overpass to link two countries that have yet to go mad.

REMAINERS have announced that, three-and-a-half years after the referendum, they are to get over it.

ARE YOU a Brit living abroad but apoplectic with rage about foreigners living in the UK? Here’s how to convince yourself there’s a difference.

DONALD Trump is sitting uncomprehending through the Nato summit looking up eagerly whenever he hears his own name, aides have confirmed.

PRESIDENT Trump arrived in London for a NATO summit last night, and we desperately need him to stay out of our politics. How can we distract him?

DONALD Trump has weighed in on British politics again. Here are the seven things he knows about how our country works.

WITH an election on the way and a Brexit deal secured, Remainers will have to work harder to maintain their continental savoir-faire. Try these methods:

IT’S A big world, filled with beautiful places; Paris, Mount Fuji, the Grand Canyon. But where’s the best place to hole up when you drunk-texted your ex the night before?