International

BRITAIN is to spend the next week pleasantly distracted from its ongoing political crisis by watching a touring orange clown. 

IT’S rare for Donald Trump to go anywhere without being a dick in some way, so what has he got planned for his stay in Britain?

WITH a thriving economy backed by its own currency, Legoland is to leave Britain and apply for EU membership.

A BRITISH man who visited the Notre Dame cathedral in 2003 is telling everyone how badly the fire has affected him.

AMERICA has decided to revive its old friendship with France by giving it a garish plastic megachurch for the middle of its capital city.

THE Hunchback of Notre Dame has been forced to move himself and his stuff in with the Phantom of the Opera for a few weeks.

THE Prince of Wales has announced he is leaving Britain to become the new monarch of Cuba, where life is not as desperate.

A MAN returning from an Amsterdam citybreak has returned with more substantive benefits than Theresa May from Strasbourg.

WHETHER it’s a day trip to York or backpacking around Vietnam, good planning makes for a stress-free journey. Transport secretary Chris Grayling tells you how.

KIM Jong-un has confirmed that the US-North Korea summit ended when President Trump attempted to kiss him.