International

PRESIDENT Trump arrived in London for a NATO summit last night, and we desperately need him to stay out of our politics. How can we distract him?

DONALD Trump has weighed in on British politics again. Here are the seven things he knows about how our country works.

WITH an election on the way and a Brexit deal secured, Remainers will have to work harder to maintain their continental savoir-faire. Try these methods:

IT’S A big world, filled with beautiful places; Paris, Mount Fuji, the Grand Canyon. But where’s the best place to hole up when you drunk-texted your ex the night before?

GERMAN chancellor Angela Merkel has confirmed the EU would do anything to get its hands on Northern Ireland, the country everybody wants.

IRISH people are increasingly joking about how unbelievably stupid the English are, they have confessed.

PRESIDENT Trump has spent three years getting away with murder but after ten minutes with Boris Johnson is now getting impeached.

AN out-of-his-box British man in Amsterdam is claiming he can tell the difference between various strains of super-strong skunk.

THE prime minister has confessed to his Brexit negotiating team that he confused Ireland, the independent country and EU member, with the Isle of Man.

CRITICS have hit out at Luxembourg for humiliating our prime minister when its population is only six times the number of people who elected him.