International

Six reasons why you shouldn't take in a refugee that I was up all night thinking of

HATE the idea of foreigners being welcomed to the UK? And you’re not racist because you don’t care if they’re white? Norman Steel explains why you shouldn’t take Ukrainians in.

Questioning the origin of your host's vodka jellies: six middle-class ways to hit back hard at Putin

DEVASTATED by Ukraine’s invasion but left feeling impotent? It’s time to hit back by using the full force of your middle-class powers.

The Vladimir Putin I knew, by some deluded prick

A MEGALOMANIAC madman mumbling nonsense about neo-Nazi drug addicts to justify a disastrous invasion? That’s not the warm, kind, generous Vladimir Putin I once knew. 

Welsh not really catching on, Wales admits

WITH Saint David’s Day in full swing, the Welsh have privately admitted their language is not catching on as much as they hoped.

The silence is deafening: takeaway flyer doesn't condemn Russia

PRESSURE has been building on a local takeaway after it distributed a promotional flyer which does not condemn Russia.

How I'd fight back if the Russians invaded Nantwich, by a man from Nantwich

RUSSIA could easily invade the UK next. Here socially awkward fantasist Tom Logan explains how he’d form a resistance movement after watching Red Dawn too many times.

'What's this Ukraine then?': The low-information voter's guide to Ukraine

ARE you a ‘low-information voter’, ie. a bit thick? Here we answer the depressingly clueless questions you’ve undoubtedly got about the Ukraine crisis.

Johnson announces closure of Russian cash pipeline

THE prime minister has revoked the permit of the ToryStream 2 cash pipeline which spews banknotes into Conservative party headquarters. 

World War Three here, just when you weren't ready

WORLD War Three has arrived just when you were busy with your pathetic little Twitter argument and fitness plan, it has confirmed. 

Selfish twat's thoughts and prayers are with petrol prices

WITH Russia launching a full-scale invasion of Ukraine, a selfish idiot has paused to think of the fuel prices.