International

THE UK is leaving the EU and we have less time to broker a trade deal than to finish the contract for the gym you've stopped going to. Here’s what our negotiators must prioritise.

BRITAIN leaves the EU once and for all on Friday, never to look back and never to return. So how are you spending your final weekend as a European?

I LOVE culture. The opera, gallery openings, all these wonderful places you get invited to when you’re rich. However, I’m not afraid to bomb culture to smithereens if I’m disrespected.

UNSURE what to do as tensions rise over the Iran crisis? Here bluff Yorkshireman Roy Hobbs explains the situation in no-nonsense terms.

NOBODY in the UK wants to be the first kn*bhead to ruin the new year by bringing up f**king Brexit, it has agreed.

PRESIDENT Trump has written an incoherent and angry six-page letter to Father Christmas asking him to end the impeachment process.

IRELAND has confirmed it is beginning work on the Waterford-Caen overpass to link two countries that have yet to go mad.

REMAINERS have announced that, three-and-a-half years after the referendum, they are to get over it.

ARE YOU a Brit living abroad but apoplectic with rage about foreigners living in the UK? Here’s how to convince yourself there’s a difference.

DONALD Trump is sitting uncomprehending through the Nato summit looking up eagerly whenever he hears his own name, aides have confirmed.