International

DAVID Davis is so impressed with his own negotiating skills that he is considering a peace settlement between Israel and Palestine next.

THE prime minister has announced strict new sanctions against Jeremy Corbyn.

DONALD Trump jumped his skateboard over a car but only his cousin saw it 'and you don't know him’ he has confirmed.

THE world is terrified at the prospect of two spoilt, freak-haired idiots becoming best friends.

VLADIMIR Putin has promised that the England squad will be safe from both poison attacks and the second-round at this summer’s World Cup.

PRINCE Muhammad of Saudi Arabia was praised by the international community after pledging to release more than 20 percent of his country's female hit and run victims.

DONALD Trump has announced that Harry and Meghan have asked him to perform a medley of lounge classics at their upcoming nuptials.

A 22-YEAR-OLD has returned from a gap year full of priceless first-hand knowledge that is only available to others via Wikipedia.

A BREXITER believes the Bayeux Tapestry is bollocks because there is no way the Normans could have defeated the British.

DONALD Trump has no obvious mental health issues, he is just a dreadful bastard, the White House doctor has confirmed.