International

AMERICA has decided to revive its old friendship with France by giving it a garish plastic megachurch for the middle of its capital city.

THE Hunchback of Notre Dame has been forced to move himself and his stuff in with the Phantom of the Opera for a few weeks.

THE Prince of Wales has announced he is leaving Britain to become the new monarch of Cuba, where life is not as desperate.

A MAN returning from an Amsterdam citybreak has returned with more substantive benefits than Theresa May from Strasbourg.

WHETHER it’s a day trip to York or backpacking around Vietnam, good planning makes for a stress-free journey. Transport secretary Chris Grayling tells you how.

KIM Jong-un has confirmed that the US-North Korea summit ended when President Trump attempted to kiss him.

HORDES of drunk, obnoxious Spanish tourists have arrived in Scarborough to enjoy the sunshine and take no interest in any other aspect of Britain.

THE EU has threatened to send your elderly expat relatives home to live with you.

A NAZI occupation of Britain would not have included compulsory German lessons, Germans have confirmed.

BRUSSELS Airport is to save everyone's time by erecting a 40ft high illuminated sign reading ‘Fuck off, we’re keeping the backstop’.