International

MICHELLE Bachmann has launched her presidential campaign with the ritual machine-gunning of a pig.

EVERYONE in Britain is to receive part of a Greek person in exchange for large amounts of cash.

POLICE in Texas are to draw up a list of certified psychic visionaries after a supernatural tip-off turned out to be a waste of time.

CHINA'S plans for world domination now include the relentless purchase of all physical assets, your total, crushing enslavement and having a sneaky peek at your email account.

DENMARK may as well have kicked your lovely old grandmother right in the teeth, it emerged last night.

PRESIDENT Obama last night thanked the Queen for laying on the sort of ceremonial bullshit that harks back to the empire that crushed his beautiful African ancestors.

THE International Monetary Fund has promised Ken Clarke it will definitely give him a call about the vacant chief executive's position.

PAKISTAN last night pointed at the sky and screamed in a pathetic attempt to distract the world from its nauseatingly transparent guilt.

POLITICIANS in Syria have sobbingly asked William Hague if he can just give them a second chance.

THE big nuclear thing in Japan finally made sense today after some people said it was now the same number as something you have heard of.