International

KIM Jong-Il's fatal heart attack is to be executed by firing squad, it has been confirmed.

THE people of France have been left shocked by the complete absence of shock they feel at former president Jacques Chirac being found guilty of embezzlement.

THREE days after the exploding Euro-summit, everyone is still pretending that they know what is going to happen.

THE result of Russia's parliamentary election was decided two weeks ago and then locked in a safe to prevent corruption.

THE 'Arab Spring' is a mistranslation, it has emerged.

ITALY'S new prime minister has begun the deskankification of the country's politics.

GIVING up smoking has put Barack Obama in the mood to launch a few warheads, it emerged last night.

GEORGE Papandreou may be trying to con Europe with the short grift, experts have claimed.

GREECE was condemned last night for punching a nice horse right in its face.

EUROZONE leaders have agreed a landmark deal to save the single currency after the German chancellor said she was feeling a bit 'Fourth Reichy'.