International

Someone Claiming To Be Me Has Been Saying It’s All Your Fault, Brown Tells America

GORDON Brown yesterday told America that someone has been going around blaming them for the global economic collapse and using his name.

Obama Obviously Has A New Watch, Says Brown

PRESIDENT Obama clearly has a new watch and is fascinated with it, Gordon Brown revealed last night.

Make Goodwin Give Back His Pension, Brown Tells Obama

GORDON Brown will today ask Barak Obama to make that horrid Fred Goodwin give his pension back.

Barack Obama Is Not A Chimpanzee, Confirms White House

AMERICA breathed a sigh of relief last night as the White House confirmed that President Obama is not a chimpanzee.

Not Even I Believe That Shit, Pope Tells Brown

POPE Benedict XVI has told Gordon Brown that he has believed some crazy things in his time but he's not buying that crap.

Obama Shuts Down 'Grey's Anatomy'

PRESIDENT Barack Obama yesterday fulfilled a key campaign promise by announcing the closure of Grey's Anatomy.

US Chief Justice Missing

JOHN Roberts, the Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, was missing last night after ruining Barack Obama's inauguration.

Hope, Challenges, Whatever

BARACK Obama began his historic presidency yesterday with an historic call for hope, renewal, blah blah, hard work, all that sort of stuff.

Hudson Crash Landing Still Better Than Heathrow

PASSENGERS on the plane which crash landed on the Hudson river last night insisted the terrifying experience was much better than Heathrow.

Israel To Open Humanitarian Corridor And Then Blow It Up

ISRAEL has agreed to open a corridor into Gaza for essential humanitarian supplies and then fire hundreds of missiles at it.