International

NAOMI Campbell has revealed how her appearance at some silly war crimes trial had forced her to delay a vital eyelash conditioning appointment.

OUTKAST sex hurricane Andre '3000' Benjamin has launched a bid to become President of the People's Funkpublic of Funkadonia.

THE relatives pocketing the pension of a Japanese man who had been dead in his bed for 30 years were last night asked exactly how they thought this was going to pan out.

DAVID Cameron will today ask President Obama if there is any chance he could bring back Dallas.

AID organisations are parachuting emergency fried breakfasts into Greece after a tour operator's collapse left thousands of Britons stranded without proper bacon.

IF the Home Office has even a shred of decency left it will immediately replace Anna Chapman with something of comparable humpability, Britain's men said last night.

IRAN is hoping to attract thousands of Western tourists after rebranding itself as the ultimate destination for lovers.

PAUL, the psychic octopus, has been inundated with knickers from thousands of randy women.

ANNA CHAPMAN, the suspected Russian spy, also has a cracking set of charlies, the FBI confirmed last night.

THE people of Belgium faked the destruction of their country in a bid to meet Angelina Jolie, it has emerged.