International

 BRITAIN is to lead international efforts to drive Zimbabwe's president Robert Mugabe from office with wave after wave of devastating criticism.

AUSTRALIA suddenly went all nancy last night after a chef said a dirty word on television.

EAGER foot collectors are setting up camp on the beaches near Vancouver, amid talk of a new Canadian 'foot rush'.

EUROPE lay in tatters last night, ravaged by the strongest leprechaun curse in over a decade.

London: 5th June, 1939THE Foreign and Commonwealth Office is advising British holidaymakers to steer clear of continental Europe this summer, warning that it may be full of Germans.

AMERICA was waiting with bated breath last night as Hillary Clinton signalled she may be about to fuck off.

AS the price of oil climbs towards $150 a barrel, the Third World has offered to teach Europe and America how to walk.

A MASSIVE silver dome should be placed over the Middle East until all the explosions have stopped, the UN secretary general said last night.

THE world's 800 million lesbians are to club together and set up their own country.

AUSTRIA'S chancellor has vowed to restore the country's international image with a £40 million 'Birthplace of Hitler' marketing campaign.