International

POPE Benedict will today visit the scenes of the made-up stories that form the basis of his crazy, voodoo religion.

THIS year's Git has been confirmed as 34 year-old Ben Southall from Hampshire.

NEW York was flung into a state of panic yesterday as thousands of people watched an 80 foot-high gorilla climb the Empire State Building. 

NORTH Korea has been designated as the new big thing designed to scare the holy living shit out of you, the United Nations has confirmed.

NORTH Korea is to open a national chain of pizza restauarants offering a range of delicious toppings including cardboard, rusty paper clips and old men's teeth.

THE worldwide boom in grinding poverty has led to more than three billion names being added to Forbes magazine's annual 'poor list'.

GORDON Brown yesterday told America that someone has been going around blaming them for the global economic collapse and using his name.

PRESIDENT Obama clearly has a new watch and is fascinated with it, Gordon Brown revealed last night.

GORDON Brown will today ask Barak Obama to make that horrid Fred Goodwin give his pension back.

AMERICA breathed a sigh of relief last night as the White House confirmed that President Obama is not a chimpanzee.