ANNA CHAPMAN, the suspected Russian spy, also has a cracking set of charlies, the FBI confirmed last night.
US investigators are concerned that the international media has become obsessed with Chapman’s face and flowing red hair and has lost sight of the fact that her tits are absolutely phenomenal.
A spokesman said: “Let’s not forget what we are dealing with here. And imagine the damage they could have done to our democracy as they bounced up and down on top of it for hours on end.
“This was nothing less than an attempt to have a long, hot, soapy shower with the highest levels of our government. Really, really soapy. Soap everywhere…
“Soap.”
He added: “Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the point is, this woman needs to remain in custody for ages.
“At the moment we see no need for her to even go on trial. She’s much better off where she is, just doing her stretching exercises and eating lots of ice lollies.”
Chapman has been charged with one count of refusing to accept a fake passport from an undercover FBI agent and one count of having the kind of dirty-pretty face that suggests she may know those sexual positions previously believed to be mythical.
Meanwhile it has emerged that the other female spy suspects arrested last week range from somewhat dowdy, to weird looking, to out and out big fat cow.
An FBI source said ‘Patricia Mills’ was found in possession of a baked bean with a camera in it, a lipstick that turns into a gun that turns into a helicopter and a brand new pair of knife-shoes.
But the source added: “Unfortunately she also has a slight moustache, a wonky left eye and tremendously disappointing boobs.
“We’ll probably just let her go.”
