JOE Biden is too infirm to be president, so gay liberal Hollywood has no option but to step in. Who should replace him for the showdown against Trump?
Joanna Kramer, architect: “Vin Diesel. He’s bald, he sticks by family, he gives every impression of cognitive impairment, it’s the role he was born for.”
Stefan Malley, metalworker: “Who is Trump most afraid of? Freddy from the Nightmare on Elm Street films, without any doubt. Get him in.”
Norman Steele, haberdasher: “Ed Harris. You know, the renegade general in The Rock? No? The admiral in Top Gun: Maverick? He was in The Right Stuff? The Nazi dude in Enemy At The Gates? No? Seriously?”
Lynne Ryan, genealogist: “Macauley Culkin. Him and Trump know each other from Home Alone 2, so it won’t be awkward.”
Nikki Hollis, masseuse: “They don’t need an actor. Hollywood can de-age you now. They’ve done it to Joe Pesci.”
