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Leaders of North and South Korea exchange duty free

A HISTORIC moment has taken place as the leaders of North and South Korea exchanged duty free gifts in the demilitarised zone.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was given 200 Marlboro Lights in a carrier bag by South Korean president Moon Jae-in, greatly reducing tensions in the region.

In return, the South Korean leader received a giant Toblerone, a bottle of Gordon’s gin and a plastic M&Ms figurine.

Both leaders remained tactful and diplomatic during the meeting, at one point opening the cigarettes and having a fag break.

Jae-in said: “I am indebted to Kim Jong-un for his embrace of diplomacy on this historic day, and for the bottle of Gordon’s. It is a one-litre bottle and in my country you can only get 70cl.

“I know he got two for 20 quid, but I don’t mind that. He’s probably saving the other one for Donald.”

Man congratulates himself on seven days of not drinking much

A MAN who went for pretty much a week without drinking a massive amount has given himself a pat on the back for his restraint.

Martin Bishop, 40, decided that after years of heavy drinking it was time to turn his life around and get marginally less pissed.

Bishop said: “I decided for the sake of my health and my children I needed to make some tough choices. The first of these was no drinks before 2pm on a weekday.

“Drawing on my inner strength and the support of family and friends, I stayed completely dry before 2pm for five whole days. The next obstacle was to reduce my evening’s intake to three pints of lager, and four at the weekend.

“It wasn’t easy. Already being on pint three when it was only 8.30pm felt like I had a mountain to climb. But with just a crafty shot of vodka, I managed to do it. Actually it was a double. A pub single barely gets the glass wet.”

Now feeling fitter and more clear-headed, Bishop is planning to take part in a marathon.

He said: “It starts at 11am in the Bull and Bush where I’ll be drinking solidly with mates until 2am. You only do something like this once in a lifetime so I’ve got to celebrate.”

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