GOD has ignored the fervent prayers of idiots, allowing Barack Obama to be re-elected as President.
Despite Mormon fasts, the efforts of Billy Graham and countless “pray-ins” urging Him to delivery victory to Mitt Romney, God refused to listen.
Indeed, He went so far as to part the clouds over Texas and bare his backside over the state, a gesture some theologians interpreted as a sure sign of His scorn. There were also reports of heavy monsoons of urine in several ‘red’ states.
God, addressing mortals directly for the first time since the Old Testament via a celestial Tannoy system, said: “You Bible Belt pinheads have got starvation, war and global warming down there and now you want Mitt Romney too?
“I don’t do anything about any of that other stuff so why the hell do you think I’d help you out on this one?
“If it’s not this, it’s the gays. Hey, I created them. I figured, throw in about ten percent of them, break up the sexual monotony.
“Now leave me alone.”
Dallas preacher Joseph Turner said: “As ever, God’s message is ambiguous and full of hidden meaning.
“Especially the words ‘FUCK OFF!’ written in a 400 ft-high fiery letters in the sky. It must be an allegory for something.”
