Health

OVER 700,000 people in the UK take cocaine regularly, despite none of them liking it.

DAVID Cameron has set up a Cabinet committee to decide if ebola is a bad thing.

ELDERLY people are to get vital heart exercise from people jumping out of their cupboards dressed as the undead.

THE entire population of the UK has moved downstairs to sleep inside the fridge.

GOTHS have warned against exposure to sunlight during and after the heatwave.

DESIGN guru Jony Ive, the man behind the iPod and iPhone, has signed up to design the new featureless cigarette packaging.

MUSCLE-BUILDING steroids have been confirmed as this decade's defining drug.

MORE than 20% of buildings that claim to be hospitals are nothing of the kind, it has emerged.

FANATICAL public health campaigners may be mentally ill, it has emerged.

PIG fat is back in vogue as a sexual lubricant, it has emerged.