Health

MASSAGES are the opposite of soothing, it has emerged.

PEOPLE who are not getting any sex are tired of hearing about the health benefits of lovemaking.

HEALTH watchdogs have warned heroin addicts that they are risking their lives by consuming up to eighteen spoonfuls of sugar a day.

A POSSIBLE cure for peanut allergy means sufferers may have to talk about something else for a change.

THE country which exports Bieber has banned an artificially sweetened concoction filled with mood-altering chemicals.

HILARY Mantel's popular book Wolf Hall has made gout the must-have middle class illness, it has been claimed.

BRITAIN is on the brink of a ‘golden age’ where the majority of the population is fat.

DOCTORS have declared that any attempts to lose weight in 2014 are doomed.

THE government is only trying to keep you alive so you can continue working, it has emerged.

CONSUMERS have been warned about fashionable 'bad jumpers' which contain too many layers of irony.