Health

PRIME minister Gordon Brown was last night under observation in a London psychiatric hospital after claiming to be Spiderman.

ELDERLY people in hospital will be referred to by a number under new NHS guidelines.

NEW evidence suggests it is safe for a baby to be born drunk, doctors said last night.

PATIENTS who are given artificial hearts will lose their soul, doctors admitted last night.

NEW doctors are to be trained how to spot death, the department of health announced yesterday.

ANGRY parents are demanding compensation after an obesity gene made them feed their children until they popped.

SMOKERS have urged Bill Gates to produce a range of software that doesn't have them reaching for a cigarette every time it crashes.

BOTTLES and cans of alcohol are to carry labels warning consumers they could end up shitfaced.

A NEW prostate cancer drug which could save thousands of lives is still not as good as The Wire, critics said last night.

TEENAGERS are being urged to sponge themselves thoroughly following a sharp increase in young person's sex diseases.