Health

MALE sex addicts are being cured of their impulsive desire for women by watching the smash hit musical Mamma Mia!

THE tedious but powerfully addictive BBC cooking series Masterchef is to be upgraded to a class B controlled substance, it emerged last night.

OVERWEIGHT children are three times more likely to be jolly than their slender counterparts, according to new research.

MEMBERS of Parliament who criticised homeopathy have badly knotted chakras and are emitting an unhealthy purple aura, it was claimed last night.

NHS officials have defended their decision to employ thousands of bats at a Scottish hospital.

A NEW vaccine designed to treat cocaine addiction also produces a pleasant, drifty feeling that you could very easily get used to, it emerged last night.

MOST fat people are unaware they are overweight because they spend all their money on cheesy pies instead of a mirror, according to a new survey.

A SATAN-worshipping nurse is facing the sack after summoning flesh-eating homunculi during working hours.

AVERAGE life expectancy can be extended by up to 10 years as long as you are willing to reek like a Frenchman, it was claimed last night.

THERE were calls last night for a national debate over whether or not Britain really needs doctors.