MOTHERS who work are happier than those who stay at home because they can have liquid lunches and don't have to spend time with their kids, according to a new report.
A study by Glasgow Clyde University found that so-called 'stay-at-home mums' were not entirely happy with the daily prospect of unremitting, high-pitched wailing and a face full of vomit.
Meanwhile mothers who went back to work as soon as they possibly could reported high levels of satisfaction when it came to chatting about the X-Factor, 'poking' Facebook users and spending lunchtime immersed in a vat of Pinot Grigio.
Research chief Dr Henry Brubaker said: "Every woman has a different approach to motherhood, but we found that increasingly most women have exactly the same approach, which is to get the hell out of the house.
"Modern parenting means you can work, enjoy the company of your friends and have a skinful at lunchtime safe in the knowledge that the nursery will text you if something interesting happens."
Mandy Amble, 36, from Peterborough, said: "At first I wanted to spend as much time as I could with my child. But after six solid hours of that stinking lump shouting, 'Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!' I started to change my mind.
"Now I can pretend to work all day and enjoy a range of top class white wines without having to worry about being covered in piss and shit."
