THE prime minister has unveiled a nine-point plan to restore the NHS to its pre-2010 glory, with nine glaringly obvious flaws.
One: ‘The 15-year plan’
The Sunak administration has less than 18 months to live. It is a terminal case and no miracle will save it. This plan goes straight in the bin next year.
Two: ‘Create an army of junior and apprentice roles’
Engaging Britain’s most reliable workforce, teenagers, who definitely won’t f**k off your hip operation because their mate’s got Latitude tickets.
Three: ‘Doctors and nurses training on wards straight from A-levels’
Students are not known for being sober, responsible people; medical students doubly so. It might be better if they got the binge-drinking out of their systems first.
Four: ‘Regulators asked to shorten medical degrees’
The regulators, more concerned with the Hippocratic oath than positive Times headlines, will say ‘No’.
Five: ‘Plugging a black hole of staff’
Staff are leaving because they are underpaid. They emigrate or do the same job in the same hospital for twice the money through an agency. While underpaid they will continue to do so.
Six: ‘AI’
This means f**k all. Every plan has ‘AI’ in it these days. You can’t paint a fence without some dickhead asking if you’ve thought of involving AI.
Seven: ‘Improving culture, leadership and wellbeing to retain staff’
See point five re. underpayment. You are currently, while spouting this culture shit, refusing to raise pay. A new boss and a poster in the nurses lounge will achieve nothing.
Eight: ‘It will save the taxpayer £10 billion’
No it won’t. Nothing this government does saves anyone money. All it does is cut and cancel and still it costs more.
Nine: ‘This is the most radical modernisation and reform of the workforce since the NHS was founded’
This is an attempt to get good press that will last until later this afternoon when footage of Boris Johnson leading a Chequers Covid Conga is leaked.
